The Challenges That Come After the Divorce
The Difficulties of Divorce
Divorce affects men and women differently, with approximately 20% of women falling into poverty after this life-changing situation while most men are faced with a drop in their standard of living ranging from 10% to 40%. But in both cases, it’s a challenging time full of change, adjustment, and compromise.
Divorce often brings unexpected challenges, but when you know the hardships you might be facing ahead of time, it can help make them more manageable. It’s important to have a roadmap – a well-informed plan to guide you.
Many are surprised that once they open up and talk to others they find that a lot of people in the community are willing to help. If you take the time to get to know the people around you who are willing to lend a hand, it makes it much easier to ask for their assistance when you need it once you’re living on your own.
By looking at the maze of obstacles that you have to overcome before the divorce process is finished, you can work yourself up into a state that makes it harder to deal with the situation. Sometimes, it’s necessary to take things one step at a time.
When in need, you should never hesitate to ask for help from:
- Family
- Friends
- Neighbors
- Volunteer organizations
- In-person or online support groups
- Parenting groups
The Cost of Single Living
One of the top unexpected costs that people don’t discover until after the divorce is the full scope of their utility bill. Another thing that people are surprised about is the cost of their cellphone and internet plans. There are a number of seemingly small expenses that perhaps their spouse took care of that really add up.
The details of a couple’s cost of living are not always fully known by both spouses. Those who lack the financial literacy or experience and haven’t had to pay the bills on their own will likely be in for a surprise once they’re starting to live the single life. This is something to keep in mind as you calculate the decision to make such a dramatic change in your marital situation.
When There Are Kids Involved
The financial strain that commonly follows a divorce is compounded when there are children in the picture. There are many emotional repercussions that come with this change in living situation, seeing their parents split up, and usually spending substantially less time with one parent.
The tighter budget might make after-school activities like sports and other extracurricular clubs impossible because the parent can no longer provide rides or pay for the associated fees and equipment. Children might have to change schools because the current particular school is no longer affordable.
There is also the risk of one or more children having too much responsibility thrust upon them at too early of an age. Kids who are natural-born caretakers will automatically fall into certain parental roles like looking after their younger siblings rather than focusing on their own education, well-being, and enjoying their childhood.
Don’t put too much on your children. It may be hard to resist the temptation to lean on them. But there are times when, as the parent, you have to figure things out for yourself so that your kids can stay focused on their own experiences while adjusting to this big life change.
Consider the difference in the environments that your kids are dealing with. While it’s not always feasible to create completely similar situations, it is possible to figure out what kinds of spaces your kids need to do their homework and all of their activities.
The level of difficulty that you face after the divorce may depend heavily on your parental role. Some helicopter parents may have an easier time managing the house on their own while those who prefer to take a looser approach might find out how much slack they’re leaving.
Parents who are more hands-on can do their ex-partner a favor by listing out for them everything that must be taken care of and kept track of. It’s best for the parents who are used to being the hands-off ones to go into the single-parent life with the expectation that it will be a major challenge. A therapist may make a considerable difference in how smooth the transition goes after the divorce.
Learning new skills like cooking is extremely helpful. Or it might involve hiring some extra help, which is difficult for some people to accept. But once the messes and the takeout bills start piling up, it may seem like more of a viable option.
It might take some changes like eliminating dining out at restaurants and other luxuries, which take a considerable toll on the bank account. Those savings can then be put towards things that will enrich your kids’ lives and make things more manageable for you whether it’s some extra help around the house or the ability to keep the kids in their extracurricular activities.
Planning Your Divorce
Even though it might not sound like the most ideal situation, planning out a divorce ahead of time comes with some distinct advantages. Because of the way that our modern society views love and marriage, people often have the impression that matrimony has to end when the spark of romance has gone out. It will inevitably be a difficult conversation between you and your partner – but much easier than doing it while having to suddenly adjust to a completely different way of living.
Going with the practical choice is not always easy, but it can serve to make things better for everyone in the long run. It’s much better when you’re able to look for apartments while still living in a stable situation, set aside rent money, and make good use of the relative stability that you’re experiencing while still in the marriage. Putting money aside for a divorce attorney prior to the legal action is also helpful.
No one knows what it takes to run a household on their own until they’ve tried it. Being the sole leader in your family bears a lot of similarities to running a business – with some additional complications, not the least of which is the emotional strain and the fact that it’s a job you don’t ever get to go home from this job.
Even if one of the spouses is somewhat glad that their ex-partner is struggling without them, the feeling is usually mixed. Oftentimes, they are sympathetic to their ex and especially their children. Most find it difficult to see their ex-partner, even if it proves how essential you were in the balance of the household.
It’s likely that ending a marriage will be more of a burden to bear than you had previously imagined. Call the Law Office of Kelly Berton Rocco at 201-343-0078 to find out how a New Jersey divorce attorney can help you overcome the challenges that come with the process.
